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Recently, I went to the store specifically for sympathy cards and I bought a stack of them. I guess I’ve reached that age. I remember when my mom was alive, there was a point where she said the scales had tipped and there were more people who she loved in heaven than there were loved ones left here on Earth. I don’t think I’m even close to that point yet, but recently parents of some of my friends have died and I’ve lost some of my older friends from my years working at Lake Forest Village, and some of my older generation family members too…so I needed cards.

I’m kind of picky about sympathy cards. I don’t care for the ones that have lots of words. I want a nice simple sentiment that isn’t too long so that I can write a personal note to the person. I know that when my own parents died, I really appreciated the personal notes written in the cards.

I haven’t talked or written much about the deaths of my parents that occurred during the last two years. I guess because it’s still so fresh and raw in my mind and heart. Even though they were in their 80’s both deaths happened very quickly and were not expected. Losing a parent feels like a punch in the stomach. One of my cousins said after both of her parents died, “To not have parents…at any age…is very untethering.” And I would agree.

Grief affects each of us in different ways. When my brother died almost 20 years ago, I cried for weeks and couldn’t sleep at night. I talked with my other brother every single day for a year because we both needed comfort from talking with someone else who had loved our deceased brother.

But this time, after each of my parents died, grief had an odd impact on me that I didn’t expect. Writing has always been my “go to” behavior. If I’m stressed about something, I write. If I have a problem to work through, I write. If I’m really happy about something, I will write.  Many writers talk about having writer’s block but that is not something I’ve ever experienced. I can always write. It’s the easiest thing in the world for me to do. However, since my parents both died, I haven’t felt much like writing. I think I’ve been so sad that the joy I receive from writing has simply felt out of my reach. My keyboard began to gather dust for the first time…ever.

During the last two years, I’ve written two stories. One was “Mary’s Front Door” that I shared with you on this blog last week. The other is a story that may or may not become a book someday. We shall see. Blogging again is helping me get back into a writing routine. It’s also helping me remember how much I love words and stringing them together into sentences that become something worth reading.

Thank you to those of you who take the time to read this blog. I appreciate the support and especially your comments about my posts. Next week, I plan to share with you the “Easter eggs” that are included in each of my books. Some were put there intentionally, and others were added as a surprise to me by my illustrator and dear friend, Vicki Killion Guess.

3/7/25

Author’s note: Some of you know that I really haven’t felt much like writing since my mom passed a year ago. This is a sweet little piece I wrote last November about how those small things we do can often have a huge impact on others. I hope you enjoy it!

Mary’s Front Door

The first sign I ever saw on Mary’s front door said, “I think I’ll just be HAPPY today.” I was working as a manager at an independent retirement community, and I was on my way to check on another resident when I walked past Mary’s door that day.

I knew that Mary was in her late 80’s and was grieving the recent loss of her husband of many years. She was like many of the residents of our community who were dealing with the losses of spouses and friends, as well as the health issues and challenges that come with age. I stopped for a moment and considered the words on her door. If Mary could choose to be happy, then so could all of us! After all, wasn’t happiness a choice?

A little farther down the hallway I saw one of the maintenance men for the community. I asked if he had seen the sign on Mary’s door. He said he had. “I try to go by her door at least once a week to see what the signs say. The things she puts out there encourage me, especially when I’m having a difficult week.”

Many of our residents decorated their doors and I hadn’t noticed that Mary put up a new and encouraging sign every week. But after that day, I made a point of walking past her door at least once a week and her signs always made me smile. I learned that other staff members knew about Mary’s signs and also walked past her door for a weekly dose of encouragement.

In the weeks that followed, the signs on Mary’s door said things like, “Let’s make today amazing” and “The best is yet to be” and my very favorite, “If you get tired, learn to rest, not to quit.” Hanging the signs on her door was such a small gesture each week but it had such a big impact on our community of residents and staff.

Mary was a retired elementary school teacher, and I could only imagine how many hundreds of young lives she had inspired and encouraged during her career. In spite of her own sadness, she was still finding a way to encourage the people around her.

One day, I was scheduled to complete Mary’s annual apartment inspection for needed repairs and when I got to her door, the sign said, “Life’s little moments make the best memories.” After I completed her apartment inspection, I asked Mary about her signs and she said she thought they would be a good reminder for her neighbors to keep moving forward and to have a good outlook and not give up, no matter what kinds of things they were dealing with in their lives. I asked if she knew that staff members also walked past her door to see what encouraging note she had out each week. She smiled and said she hadn’t been aware of that.

Later that day back in my office, I received a call from Mary. She said, “I’ve been thinking about our earlier conversation. I started putting out my signs to encourage others but the responses I’ve received about the signs are helping me with my grief. Finding new signs to encourage others continues to help me too. I have to do this for me, but I love the smiles and comments I receive about my signs. Sometimes, I get notes from people I don’t even know because they saw one of my signs and then we end up becoming friends.”

As the weeks and months passed, I noticed that Mary would reuse some of the same signs with new ones thrown in the mix now and then. Both staff and residents would make a point of passing Mary’s door each week to read signs that said things like: “You are my sunshine” “When words fail music speaks” and “This is the day that the Lord has made; I will rejoice and be glad in it.”

At Easter, Mary’s door had a sign that said, “Every bunny Welcome.” A week or two after Easter, I was in my local Hobby Lobby and I saw a sign that made me think of Mary’s front door, so I bought it for her. It was bordered with flowers and said, “It’s your time to bloom.” Without knocking, I left it in the mailbox outside her door. The following week, when I passed her door, the new sign I had left for her was hanging there.

It’s been about four years since I saw that first sign on Mary’s front door. And yes, Mary is in her 90’s now and she is still hanging a sign on her door every week. I teased her recently about her sign collection and she said she might need a bigger apartment to house them all!

The most recent sign I saw on Mary’s door said, “If you can be anything, be kind.” Yes indeed, Mary, yes indeed.

Originally posted on 2/27/25.

Writing Rituals

My favorite quote about writing comes from the late journalist, Gene Fowler.  He said, “Writing is easy: All you do is sit staring at a blank sheet of paper (or in our case, a computer screen) until drops of blood form on your forehead.” 

People will often come up to me at book signings and say something like, “I want to write a book.” To which I will say, “Have you written it on paper or on a computer yet?”  Normally, the answer will be something like, “No, but I have the whole book in my head.”

I do believe that most people have at least one great story in their heads and could write a book if they were so inclined. With today’s self publishing vehicles, it’s never been so easy for anyone to publish their own book. Just to clarify, writing is not easy but self publishing can be. In the future, I will do some posts on self publishing in the event that any of you plan to write a book and you need some ideas for where to begin.

Here’s what I know.  To be a writer, you have to write and you have to love the challenge of getting the written word just right.  Everyone has a story they could tell.  The difference between writers and non-writers, is that writers are absolutely driven to write that story whether it’s for themselves, for their families, for the masses, or simply for posterity.  Writers have to write.

One of the tools that many writers use, are writing rituals.  A writing ritual is a deliberate, conscious, repetitive behavior that has personal meaning and helps the writer get into a good mental place for writing.

The point of using rituals, is to allow the writer to become more creative and productive.  Going through the writing rituals each time, signals to the brain that it’s time to write and hopefully will allow the writer to get to that creative place where the words flow easily.

Examples of writing rituals might be things like:

*writing at the same time each day when you feel the most creative or productive

*clearing the clutter from your writing space before you begin

*setting a timer so you will write for a certain amount of time

*turning on a certain kind of music before or while you write

*saying a prayer or meditating

Many famous writers had or have writing rituals.

Charles Dickens needed complete quiet to write and had a second door built on the outside of his study to give him an extra layer between himself and the rest of his household.  He also would take a walk before he wrote.

A number of other famous authors…Mark Twain, George Orwell, Edith Wharton, and Truman Capote did their writing in bed on legal pads.  They felt they wrote better in a horizontal position.

John Cheever liked to write in his underwear.

Ernest Hemingway liked to write while standing.

Maya Angelou would check into a hotel room with a dictionary, a Bible, a deck of cards, and a bottle of sherry and would work from 7:00 in the morning until 2:00 in the afternoon.

John Milton would read from the Bible for half an hour every morning before he began writing.

Stephen King writes every single day of the year without exception. He has a daily writing quota of 2000 words and rarely allows himself to quit until he’s reached his goal.

One of my favorite writers, Kate DiCamillo, always has lots of coffee and a string of festive lights on in her writing room.

A few years ago, my husband and I visited the home in Mansfield, Missouri of author, Laura Ingalls Wilder, who wrote the Little House on the Prairie Books.  We took a guided tour of her home and I was looking forward to seeing where she did her writing.  I was shocked to find that she wrote all of her books while sitting in the living room in an oak chair with very wide wood arms that her husband had built for her.  She didn’t write her first book until she was 64 years old, and she wrote them all on legal pads in that chair.

I asked a few of my prolific writer friends if they have any writing rituals. 

Fred Funk told me that he writes all of his books in longhand while kicked back in his recliner.

Randy Schmidt said his best writing time is between midnight and 6:00 a.m.  He says it works best in the summer when he isn’t teaching school.

Chad Healy likes to write late at night with the TV on.  He said his years of teaching school taught him to block out the ambient noise but somehow the noise from the TV helps to keep him focused.

My writing rituals involve a lot of coffee and a quiet house.  I also say a prayer and read through the Bible verse that I have taped to the top of my computer monitor:

“Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O Lord, my strength, and my redeemer.” Psalm 19:14 

As award-winning author and friend, Jan Sikes, told me one time, “Every writer has to figure out what works for them!”

Originally posted on 2/20/25.

Look for the Helpers

We are living in a time of great uncertainty and terrifying events. It can be overwhelming at times. I find I hold my breath before I turn on the news each day. Will I hear of yet another natural disaster in our country…more fires, floods, tornadoes or hurricanes? Will there be another plane crash with loss of lives? Will more people lose their jobs? Will another country be invaded?

It’s difficult to keep our equilibrium and go about living our daily lives in the face of so much human suffering. What can we do? How can we help?

There’s a fairly well-known quote by Fred Rogers…yes, of Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood… that goes like this:

“When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, ‘Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.’ To this day, especially in times of disaster, I remember my mother’s words, and I am always comforted by realizing that there are still so many helpers…so many caring people in this world.”

This is my answer and it can be yours as well. We must look for the helpers and be the helpers and keep doing good. You may not think one small thing done for another could make a difference. But it does. And, it adds up and makes our world better and stronger. I have found that when I do something for others, I often get more out of it than they do.

Last week, we took three boxes of food to a local food pantry that is run by a church in our community. We actually dropped the food off during the time that people were coming for their weekly food pickups. The line of waiting cars snaked around the perimeter of the church parking lot and there were maybe 25-30 in line when we arrived.

Volunteers were talking with people in the first three cars and loading groceries into trunks and back seats. It was cold but people were smiling and pleasant. When we took our donation inside, there were more volunteers busily packing grocery bags. They said it had been a busy morning so far. They said they appreciated our donation. Seeing the need and all the “helpers” made us want to do more. We plan to take another food donation next week.

But helping others doesn’t have to cost money. This morning, my husband, Jeff, shoveled our driveway and sidewalk yet again this winter. Then, I saw him go next door and shovel our 91-year-old neighbor’s driveway and sidewalk. She worries about getting snowed in so I know he gave her some peace of mind.

I remember when we moved from Texas to Indiana last year, we bought our house about five weeks before we actually got here. We knew the grass would be knee high and the neighbors were probably wondering what kind of slackers were going to be moving in. When we got here, we found out that two of our neighbors had mowed the grass for us. We felt so blessed knowing we had moved onto a street with such good people.

We all do what we can, however we can. If you can afford to contribute money, that is so great. If you can’t, you can always volunteer your time. If you don’t have money or extra time, there are still so many things you can do for others.

Since I cannot afford to donate to the food pantry every other week, I’ve been trying to think of other ways to help others. Here’s some ideas I had:

*I can hold the door for another person at the store, bank, restaurant, etc.

*I can check on an elderly neighbor.

*I can pray for people.

*I can donate some of my used books to a local free library.

*I can donate clothes I no longer wear to a homeless shelter.

*I can babysit for parents who need a break.

*I can say a kind word to someone who is having a bad day.

*I can compliment a service person in a store or restaurant.

*I can make a meal for someone who is home sick or who has had a baby.

*I can let someone go before me in the line at the grocery store.

*I can choose not to make snarky comments on social media.

*I can send a card or note to brighten someone’s day.

*I can mentor someone and/or teach them a new skill.

There’s a lot of ugliness in the world right now. I don’t want to be a part of that so I’m going to do my best to be a helper. Maybe some of you have more ideas for how to help? Feel free to add them in the comments.

Originally posted on 2/13/25.

Valentine’s Day

I recently Googled, “What do most people want for Valentine’s Day?” The answer was not all that surprising. People want gifts, especially chocolate and flowers, and romantic gestures and experiences with their loved ones. The top selling items for Valentine’s Day are greeting cards (Valentines) flowers, and those heart-shaped boxes of chocolates that never seem to go out of style. Of course, some people want jewelry and a big date night or a fancy trip, but most people seem to enjoy a low-key celebration. Overwhelmingly, what people really want for Valentine’s Day is to know that they are loved.

During the years I worked as the manager of an independent living retirement community, the most difficult holiday for most of our seniors was Valentine’s Day. Many of them were widows or widowers and the day brought back a flood of memories of their true loves. And, unlike the Christmas holidays where people received many visits from family members, Valentine’s Day wasn’t a big day for visitors.

The first year I worked in the community, one of our ladies carried a framed 8 x 10 photo of her deceased husband around with her all day on Valentine’s Day and showed his picture to anyone who showed an interest. After that, we tried to always have fun activities and events planned for Valentine’s Day so that no one had to feel lonely or alone.

Speaking of Valentine’s Day activities, today I had the great fun of attending my four-year-old grandson’s preschool Valentine party. The school parties haven’t changed so much over the years. The kids all brought Valentine’s to pass out to their classmates, they did a fun craft, played a Valentine game, had a heart-shaped sugar cookie for their snack and I had the honor of reading my book, “Love Hearts” for the children and their parents.

As some of you already know, “Love hearts are small bits of love that escape from our hearts and go through our eyes to someone else. Love hearts mean that someone loves you and really likes to be with you.”

No matter how you plan to spend this Valentine’s Day 2025, I hope you experience lots of love hearts and maybe some yummy chocolate too!

Originally posted on 2/5/25.

Love Notes

I recently saw a Facebook post that was a fun idea for kids for Valentine’s Day.  Starting in early February, tape a different colored paper heart to your child’s bedroom door every day.  On each heart, write something you love about your child.  By Valentine’s Day on February 14^th, your child will have a door full of hearts and of love.

Obviously, this same idea could be adapted for a spouse, a sibling, a grandparent, a boyfriend/girlfriend, a friend, a roommate, or whomever you want to feel loved.  You can’t underestimate what that kind of effort does for another’s soul.

Any totally selfless act with the goal and purpose of simply making another person feel special is a wonderful thing.  And, this kind of endeavor doesn’t have to be saved just for the holidays.

When my elderly parents were still able to live in their home, I would go over several times a week to help them. On Saturdays, my husband and I would shop for their groceries then deliver them to their house and do some cooking and cleaning for the week. One Saturday, I took heart-shaped Post-it notes and wrote “I love you mom” and hid the notes all over their house in places I thought she would find them…inside her make up drawer, inside her purse, on her night stand, in her closet, inside her bag of embroidery work, in the refrigerator, under the seat of her rollator walker, on her daily calendar, in her jewelry box, under her pill box, next to the coffee pot…

The next time I went to their house, Mom had a stack of the Post-it notes in front of her at her spot at the kitchen table. With shining eyes, she said, “I had so much fun finding these this week.” I laughed and said, “I had a lot of fun hiding them for you to find!” After she died and I was cleaning out her closet, I found one of the notes that she hadn’t found inside her house slipper. It reminded me of how we had laughed together the day she had her stack of found love notes at the table.

I have a loving and rather mischievous son who as a small boy began leaving sweet love notes on my pillow for me to find at night.   He would draw a heart and write “I love you mama” inside the lines.  It would warm my heart to find those notes right before I went to sleep.

As he grew into a young teenager, those notes became rubber snakes or insects left under my pillow or little alligators in my shower.  To this day, I hate having alligators in my shower!

Sometimes I would open the refrigerator or the microwave and find a cluster of rubber frogs.  One morning, a rubber lizard was on my coffee pot.  I could only imagine the fun my son had plotting ways to make his mama scream. 

One memorable day when he was in high school, I went outside to get into my car and found the interior of it covered in rubber lobsters…on my seat, on the steering wheel, in the back window, in the center section, seat belted in the passenger seat, in the glove box…

Once my startled screaming stopped, I would smile and know that he was just showing his love in a teenage boy kind of way.

After he left for college, I didn’t scream as often, but I sure did miss those fun moments that he brought to my life.  One day, I opened the mailbox and found a padded envelope he had sent from his college in another state.  Yep, you guessed it…along with a note thanking me for all I did for him, was a cluster of rubber monsters to let me know the fun wasn’t over yet!

Not everyone shows their love with rubber critters.  My husband knows that I have a knack for getting knots in my jewelry.  Recently, he took the knots out of my favorite necklace without my knowledge and left it beside my sink in the shape of a heart.  Not only did it make me happy that I could wear my necklace again, but he made me feel special too!

Our efforts to make other people feel special don’t have to cost money.  They can be a “hello and how are you today” to a neighbor or a co-worker,  a text letting a family member or friend know you are thinking of them, or a phone call telling someone you just needed to hear their voice.

The good connections we have with others are often what make a positive difference in our days…and in theirs.  So, who makes you feel special and what are you going to do to make someone else feel special this week?