A few years ago, I was with my adult children, and we were talking about different kinds of writers and writing. One of my sons reads everything that Stephen King writes. I commented that I like to read his work if it doesn’t terrify me, and that I especially loved his book about writing. (For those of you who may not know, it’s called “On Writing” and in my opinion, is one of the best books about what it takes to be a writer.)
At that point, one of my other children commented, “Your books are so wholesome; you couldn’t write dark if you tried.” I laughed (hoping it was said in jest) and said, “Oh, is that what you think? Because I could write dark but I choose not to do so.” I want to write fun books that are entertaining and uplifting for people and stay away from the dark side of human nature. Again, it’s a choice.
My brother, Brian, is ten years younger than me. He is big on the subject of choices. He told me once that when his kids were growing up, he talked with them about choices. He told them they could make good choices or bad choices…it was up to them. He told them, “You must understand that there are implications and consequences to the choices you make. Only you can decide if it’s worth making that choice.”
Every single day, we can make hundreds or thousands of choices. Some only affect us but others have far-reaching consequences. Some choices are pretty mundane. Will I have coffee this morning? Which route will I take to work? What will I have for lunch? What will I do on the weekend?
Other choices are not so cut and dried…or easy. Will I show up for a person who is having a hard time and be compassionate or will I turn my back on them because I don’t like the choices they make? Will I be fair and reasonable in my conversations at work or will I be judgmental and think I know better than everyone else? Will I be kind with my comments on social media or will I insult other people? Will I cheat on my taxes, or will I be honest? Will I be accountable when I make a mistake, or will I try to blame someone else? Will I be polite to wait staff and leave a tip or will I be rude and demanding and find no value in the service I receive? Will I follow through and do what I say I will do? Will I approach each day with gratitude for all it brings or will I drag myself out of bed with a bad attitude? (They used to call this getting up on the wrong side of the bed.)
Recently, I was driving in my new city that has many roundabouts. I misjudged the direction a car was going and accidently pulled out in front of someone. (I’m still getting used to driving in those darn roundabouts.) The man in the car I pulled out in front of (made a choice and) laid on his horn and make it abundantly clear to me that I had screwed up, and he did not appreciate it one bit. At that moment, I made the choice to pay closer attention and sent up a short prayer that the person in the car would have a better day. My younger self would probably have honked back and might even have made a gesture. I think I’m making better choices these days.
I have a friend in Texas and whenever she is with other people at a meeting or in a social setting and everyone is leaving, she calls after them and says, “Make good choices.” This moment of levity makes me (and everyone else) laugh every time but what a nice reminder.
Part of what we decide by the choices we make is the kind of person we want to be.
Earlier this year, I read a book that has helped me with the more difficult choices I make and so I want to share it with you. It’s called “The Four Agreements” by Don Miguel Ruiz and was written in 1997. In his book, Ruiz says there are four agreements or guidelines to living which will help us live a life based on love and hopefully to make good choices.
1.Be Impeccable with your word.
2.Don’t take anything personally.
3.Don’t make assumptions.
4. Always do your best.
I have these hanging on the side of my refrigerator so I will see them every day.
Why is this important? Because the choices we make each day affect us and they also have an effect on the people in our lives…family, friends, co-workers, neighbors, social media connections.
I’d love to hear your tips for making good choices from anyone who reads this post. Have a good week and remember to make good choices!