Recently, I went to the store specifically for sympathy cards and I bought a stack of them. I guess I’ve reached that age. I remember when my mom was alive, there was a point where she said the scales had tipped and there were more people who she loved in heaven than there were loved ones left here on Earth. I don’t think I’m even close to that point yet, but recently parents of some of my friends have died and I’ve lost some of my older friends from my years working at Lake Forest Village, and some of my older generation family members too…so I needed cards.
I’m kind of picky about sympathy cards. I don’t care for the ones that have lots of words. I want a nice simple sentiment that isn’t too long so that I can write a personal note to the person. I know that when my own parents died, I really appreciated the personal notes written in the cards.
I haven’t talked or written much about the deaths of my parents that occurred during the last two years. I guess because it’s still so fresh and raw in my mind and heart. Even though they were in their 80’s both deaths happened very quickly and were not expected. Losing a parent feels like a punch in the stomach. One of my cousins said after both of her parents died, “To not have parents…at any age…is very untethering.” And I would agree.
Grief affects each of us in different ways. When my brother died almost 20 years ago, I cried for weeks and couldn’t sleep at night. I talked with my other brother every single day for a year because we both needed comfort from talking with someone else who had loved our deceased brother.
But this time, after each of my parents died, grief had an odd impact on me that I didn’t expect. Writing has always been my “go to” behavior. If I’m stressed about something, I write. If I have a problem to work through, I write. If I’m really happy about something, I will write. Many writers talk about having writer’s block but that is not something I’ve ever experienced. I can always write. It’s the easiest thing in the world for me to do. However, since my parents both died, I haven’t felt much like writing. I think I’ve been so sad that the joy I receive from writing has simply felt out of my reach. My keyboard began to gather dust for the first time…ever.
During the last two years, I’ve written two stories. One was “Mary’s Front Door” that I shared with you on this blog last week. The other is a story that may or may not become a book someday. We shall see. Blogging again is helping me get back into a writing routine. It’s also helping me remember how much I love words and stringing them together into sentences that become something worth reading.
Thank you to those of you who take the time to read this blog. I appreciate the support and especially your comments about my posts. Next week, I plan to share with you the “Easter eggs” that are included in each of my books. Some were put there intentionally, and others were added as a surprise to me by my illustrator and dear friend, Vicki Killion Guess.